Crash & Bernstein
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 "FACE SLAM!"
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Crash & Bernstein is an American live-action puppet show that aired on Disney XD through October 8, 2012, to August 11, 2014.
Plot
Wyatt Bernstein is a boy who lives with his mom Mel and his sisters Cleo, Jasmine, and Amanda in the city of Portland, Oregon (the location was revealed in the theme song). For his 12th birthday, Wyatt is taken to a store called Build-A-Bestie where he creates a puppet named Crash, who joins the family as the brother he always wanted. Crash and Wyatt must deal with the sisters while having their brotherly differences and still watching each other's back.
Face-Slammingly Good Qualities
- This was one of the first Disney sitcoms to feature a muppet-like character as something to make it stand out from the rest, though it was poorly executed.
- Although Crash is unlikeable for the most part, his puppetry is done quite well, despite being poorly executed as a character.
- His design looks very good and appealing and it looks like it was designed by a Jim Henson company.
- Even though Crash never learns his lesson in most episodes, he usually gets punished as he gets hurt a lot usually after doing something bad, stupid, or for his mere existence. And he can occasionally learn from his mistakes and can have some insight out of his sheer moron-itude.
- Speaking of Crash, while he's an annoying imbecile most of the time, Crash's goofiest and best moments can be enjoyable, off-the-wall, hilarious, and entertaining at times. And despite his annoying persona, he can be somewhat likable to some degree with being a very well-meaning friend to Wyatt and an occasionally understanding character towards others.
- He can be really hilarious, and he also has his awesome prank-giving.
- There are some likable and tolerable characters.
- Wyatt is for the most part a likable character.
- Crash is the show’s creative comic-relief puppet.
- Cleo, while often annoying, does have some decent moments.
- Pesto is a tolerable character.
- Mr. Poulos, the building manager, is a funny and memorable character.
- Some of the actings can be tolerable:
- Landry Bender and Aaron Landon did a decent job playing Cleo and Pesto.
- Wyatt's sisters do have an understandable reason to not like Crash (given he destroys everything).
- The second season could be considered an improvement to some people.
- The rapping theme song is very hilarious, and catchy and the intro's lyrics are extremely funny. Much to the point that it has a certain charm to it.
- The concept of the show is pretty interesting, but was executed in a mediocre, hit-or-miss manner.
- Some good, decent or enjoyable episodes such as "Home Alone with Crash", "Merry Crashenfest", "Escape from Bigfoot Island", "Comic Book Crash" and "Flushed in Space".
- There was this video that shared how much fun everyone had filming each episode, which does explain why the episodes themselves can be sometimes very exciting or entertaining.
- Some very funny moments here and there along with some engaging, fun slapstick jokes from time to time (which is somewhat unique from a live-action standpoint).
- The toilet/gross-out humor is downplayed, well most of the time.
- The pranks that Crash pulls off are pretty funny and unique to watch.
- Crash's quote, “FACE SLAM!” is pretty funny.
- Crash has many hilarious quotes and great one-liners in many episodes to list, such as
- “We're all out of Grizzly Flakes! Grizzly Flakes! NOOOO!! Why?! Why?! Why?!”
- “Hey Jake MaPhony!! I'm in your lair! I left you a present, you can't see it but you can smell it!! Oh, I guess you can see it... I'm talking to you 'jerk real pony! I challenge you to a smash down! No gloves! No helmet, just my orthopedic insoles! I have black feet!!!”
- “Oh I got a cramp in my goallooklike! That's what a goal looks like!”
- “Hey Bernstein, would it be fun if we dropped a water balloon on your mom? Oh goodie then we can do it!”
- “Bernstein! Bernstein! I just had the craziest- wait! I'm not falling for that again! Mustache attack!!”
- “I'm a spiral!”
- “I'm science! Weeeee!! OW!!!”
- “I'm the bait!”
- “I said! A shot of wheatgrass! Are you threatening me?? Are you threatening me? If you're feeling froggy just jump girl!”
- “You want a piece of me? Cause I do come apart!”
- “Hey, you want a piece of me pal? I will mess up your world!!”
- “Why aren't pancakes a fruit?”
- “I'm sorry this isn't working for me... I mean who wrote this? What's my motivation?? When's lunch?”
- “Uh Wyatt, I'm pretty sure it is. I got an H in Geography.”
- “You are going down Fisher! I hope you're hungry for some, purple, fist!!!”
- “FINALLY! Hate that guy, you see the way he was looking DOWN on me?”
- “(Dramatic gasp) He did, NOT do that! RIGHT in, FRONT OF ME!! That! Freakishlylittle homewrecker, thinks he can steal MY girl?! Oh... it is, ON.”
- “Uhm... let this be a LESSON to you!”
- “I'm so sorry you have to leave Mr Flex! I hear you have a pressing, engagement!! (slams the wafflemaker onto Flex) GAHAHAHAAHAA!!!! (Sniffs) Oh, I smell burning! I smell even MORE burning.. Oh now I feel pain, even MORE pain, I have say on the pain scale, it's a ten. (Pulls his hand out of the waffle maker) AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! (Sniffs) Oh, waffles! (bites his finger) AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
- “Okay, Fletcher! You took my friend, you stole my girl, and you turned my hand into a, breakfast, tiny treat. IT ENDS NOW!!! This time you'll never come back! (Throws Fletcher attached to a boomerang) So long!!! ... Wait.. what? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Gets hit by boomerang)”
- “Hey Jack Mac Phony!!! I'm in your lair! I left you a present, can't see it, but you can SMELL it!! Oh.. I guess you can see it, eh... I'M TALKING TO YOU, "JERK REAL PONY"! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A SMACK DOWN! NO GLOVES, NO HELMETS! JUST MY ORTHOPEDIC INSOLES!!! I HAVE, BLACK, FEET!!!!”
- “I am NOT a side-kick! This, is a side-kick! And now here's Susie with the weather, hey Bernstein!! I'm on the radio!!!”
- “I told you. I needed the Klingding to boil my water for "Amanda Stew"!”
- “Rickety box.. Check! Slapped on Roller Skate Wheels, Check! Last Will and Testaments... Check! I'm leaving you nothing!”
- “I thought we were having the stupidest dancing contest, you are good.”
- “Uhm... are you guys talking about me? Because.. my name is Crash! And I'M annoying!”
- “HOW are you people more interested in machines, than PLAYING with ME!?”
- “WHY does it have to be so COMPLICATED!?!”
- “I'm Crash, and this is my life!”
Crashed Qualities
- Crash is usually an unlikeable character; he has no character development since he only has one motive to break stuff (as his name implies) and rarely gets to have a serious moment with Wyatt. Not to mention, the number of crimes he commits, and he doesn't even learn his lesson from his actions. Also, Crash's dim-witted, destructive antics can get annoying at times.
- In one episode, he even leaves someone stranded on an island.
- Speaking of Crash's antics, they can be somewhat misleading and dangerous to young viewers to think that it is safe to face slam into each other and Disney XD had to make countless disclaimers to not do what Crash is capable of.
- Crash's character seems like a rejected character from Sesame Street or from The Muppets.
- Ironically, a performer from those shows, Tim Lagasse stars as the voice and puppeteer for Crash and Greg Ballora (who worked on Muppets Tonight) works as the puppet captain.
- Speaking of which, the entire show is the prologue of The Muppets, but as a generic sitcom Crash feels like a modern-day-themed rip-off of Walter.
- The acting ranges from mediocre to horrible.
- Amanda's voice will get on your nerves fast.
- Speaking of voices, Crash's voice is out-of-place and doesn't fit his character as a teenager, especially compared to other characters like Sonic the Hedgehog. He more likely sounds like a middle-aged man than a teen.
- The characters can be either one-note, forgettable at best, or flat-out unlikable at worst.
- Wyatt's sisters are the most unlikeable as they're pretty mean towards Wyatt and Crash when Wyatt got what he always wanted: a friend to have fun with (since Pesto is just every dude Wyatt hangs out with). When Wyatt finally had some catharsis in his life, his sisters unsparingly tried to get rid of Crash, which is quite dark. Not to mention that Wyatt's rivalry around his female-filled family is one-sided and unfair to Wyatt.
- Wyatt himself has little to no personality other than feeling like a stereotypical kid.
- While being a tolerable character, Pesto was badly flanderized in Season 2 where his crush on Amanda became his sole defining characteristic.
- Amanda treats Pesto (who has a huge crush on her) like garbage.
- Cleo's catchphrase, "...CLLEEOO!" is pretty annoying.
- It has many occasional instances of Gross-out humor, such as Crash puking in a plastic bubble and Crash chewing on an old lady's toenails. Toilet humor also shows from time to time like Crash spinning around in a toilet that is flushed.
- Plot hole: How did Crash even come to life in the first place? Cause it was never explained.
- Awful, subpar, and lazy writing, such as in "Frat Chance", "Crash Landing" and the worst offender, "Trash and Bernstein".
- The setting in Portland is pretty dull and forgettable since there is little world-building.
- Barely any originality. The plots are usually run-of-the-mill and can be quite bland in their way; not to mention that many episodes themselves are usually repetitive, predictable, straightforward, or sometimes nonsensical. There are also several similarities to other shows such as:
- The Cramp Twins (due to its similar premise where a character has to deal with a purple/dark blue brother who always causes trouble).
- Johnny Test (due to them both being about boys who often do dangerous things and are dealing with their siblings).
- The Ren & Stimpy Show (due to its frequent usage of gross-out {i.e. some moments of gross-out close-up shots}, toilet humor, surreality, and the two main characters being a polar opposite duo; having Crash being the goofy dumb one {which is Stimpy} frequently irritating Wyatt who is the more rational and sensible one between the two {that being Ren}.),
- Squirrel Boy (due to both having young average every day boys dealing with their non-human friend who lives with them).
- Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends, with Wyatt and Crash being Mac and Bloo, Crash and Wyatt dealing with annoying siblings and their friends, and having the same feel as one another.
- Almost every episode title has the word "Crash" in it, which is very uncreative and uninspired. Thankfully, this was toned down in Season 2.
- In the final episode, "Double Header", around the final scene, they hint at Crash dying.
- Speaking of "Double Header", it was an awful way to end the show.
Reception
The reception to this show wasn't that bad because not only did many people, not like this show, many parents were concerned with their kids watching this show and wanted to make sure their kids were trying to make sure that their kids didn't get the idea to do what Crash does along with him and Wyatt vandalizing stuff, as it was thought to oppose with what they're doing and what reality would ensue to young viewers.
Trivia
- The title is a pun on "crash and burn".
- The show had a canceled sequel called "Commando Crash." It was a spinoff being about Crash going into military school, but because of the show's low ratings it was never picked up and the show ended on a low note.
- Crash would be featured in Pranksgiving skits of Disney XD which featured Crash pulling off comedic, off-the-wall if fake pranks with Disney XD celebrities.
- Crash Pranksgiving was a special crossover short with Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja.
- Crash was puppeteered by Tim Lagasse, best known for works on puppeteering tons of characters like Big Bird from Sesame Street for example.
- Crash was replaced by FutureWorm to become a mascot for Disney XD.
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