Excalibur 2555 AD
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| This article was copied (instead of imported) from the now-deleted Crappy Games Wiki. |
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 This game is history.
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Excalibur 2555 AD is an action-adventure video game developed by Tempest and pubished by Sir-Tech for the PlayStation in 1997. The PC version was ported by Fish (UK) Ltd. The game stars Beth, the niece of the Enchanter Merlin, who must travel forward in time to retrieve Excalibur and avenge King Arthur.
Why It Sucks
- The graphics don't look good, especially the ending cutscene where your character model looks like something you'd see in a nightmare.
- Nonsensical plot. King Arthur gets killed by robots from the future, a robot picks up Excalibur and is apparently wearing a glove with the word "HATE" written on it. Merlin decides to make Beth, his niece, travel in time and retrieve the sword. Joueur du Grenier went as far as saying this was the worst plot ever and even NRJ12 (a French TV channel infamous for its intrusive and exaggerated programs) wouldn't want it.
- In the European version of the game, Beth's model is different from her original appearance. Instead of having red clothing and blond hair, she is now a brunette who wears brown trousers and a green tunic. Considering the designers simply covered the textures of her original model, she looks like she shat her pants.
- Poor artificial intelligence. When you are fighting multiple enemies at once, one of them will fight you and the others will simply wait for you to have killed their buddy before attacking you.
- The enemies make no sense. We're in 2555 and there are zombies, skeletons, and even a mad scientist and a creature that ressembles Frankenstein's monster.
- Interesting locations. We have an empty 3000 square feet room, a high-tech control center powered by a coal furnace, ridiculously long hallways, an art gallery with NPCs selling vegetables in it, a bar in a cave and an exotic dance club where the dancers seem to be crossdressers.
- Some RPG elements were shoehorned into the game, but the quests make zero sense. For example, in the first level, you meet a wounded soldier named Trador. Later in the level, the bartender of the aforementioned cave bar needs you to get a glass for him because he can't serve the patrons. He then gives you a bottle. You have to give the bottle to a mafioso. He then gives you a key which allows you to find a rat named Cecil. Giving Cecil back to his owner allows you to get a first aid kit. Giving Trador the first aid kit makes him give you an electric generator. Placing the electric generator in the robot guarding the door to the second level makes it open the door.
- Poor optimization: Some cutscenes will never run at more than 15 FPS. The PC version has trouble running on contemporary hardware and isn't always compatible with modern hardware.
- Anything related to what you hear in this game sucks : the SFX are horrible with scorpions and skeletons making weird screaming sounds, the music sounds like generic mid-90's techno and has little to do with Excalibur or even the future and the voice acting is horrendous, with everyone either underacting or overacting.
- Uninspired combat system. You can attack vertically, horizontally or diagonally. You can also charge your attacks, which makes poorly done sparkles appear. Most of the time, enemies will block your attacks. To add further injury, they're either ridiculously weak or invincible.
- The developers had the audacity to believe they would get a sequel and ended the game on a cliffhanger, which is highly frustrating to the player considering the main storyline is filled with stupid quests and takes ages to be completed.
- Several elements in the game indicate it was an attempt at ripping Tomb Raider off.
Redeeming Qualities
- The graphics, although mediocre, are still decent for a game released in 1997.
- The story is so absurd that it can become hilarious for some.
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