Strider Returns

Strider Returns
The "you can never win" quote hasn't been as real as before with this game.
Genre(s): Platformer Platform(s): Sega Genesis Commodore 64 Amiga Atari ST Amstrad CPC ZX Spectrum Master System Game Gear Release: Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Atari ST, Commodore 64, ZX Spectrum EU: November 1990 Master System, Sega Genesis EU: March 1993 NA: September 1993 Developer(s): Tiertex Publisher(s): U.S. Gold Country: United Kingdom Predecessor: Strider Successor: Strider 2

Strider II, also known as Journey from Darkness, and Strider Returns in the U.S., is a platformer developed by Tiertex and published by U.S. Gold. It was released for various home computer formats in 1990 and later ported to the Sega Genesis and Master System in 1993.

Plot

The objective of the game is to rescue the Princess of Planet Magenta from a terrorist group that is keeping her captive.

Why It Can Never Win

1. The graphics are quite poor compared to the first Strider, the color palette is very limited and awful, and to make matters worse, it's even infecting the gameplay as in the first level, there are mines that can barely be seen, even games like Awesome Possum... Kicks Dr. Machino's Butt, the very first Sonic game, Pac-Mania, Mega Man 3 look much better than this game.
   • When Hinjo swings his sword, it looks like it's slightly above his hand, and what's worse is that the attack doesn't even look like a sword slash, but rather Hinjo weakly swings a baton.
   • At some points, the backgrounds look like they came from an NES game. Remember, this game on Sega Genesis came out in 1993.
   • What happens with the mines also happens with the enemies; they blend with the backgrounds.
   • Even the level aesthetics look really generic.
   • The enemy designs are very boring and bland, especially by Strider standards.
2. Except for the graphics, this game is almost literally the same exact game that came out on the microcomputers, which were far less powerful than the Genesis, yet the design hasn't changed a bit to accommodate the new, stronger platform.
3. You don't even play as Strider Hiryu himself, because Capcom didn't give the license to the character, and instead you play as Hiryu's son, Strider Hinjo (who is just Hiryu in white), who is nowadays considered a joke character amongst fans.
4. Again, the Master System and Game Gear ports are terrible and are as bad, if not worse than the Sega Genesis version, which means something due to how terrible the game is on the Sega Genesis; in fact, they have some issues.
   • The music is much worse than the original version and the Sega Genesis version, as it's very ear-bleeding and much more repetitive.
   • The controls are even worse since here you need to move to use your sword; if you stay still, you will throw shurikens without using the sword, making the situation much worse than in the Sega Genesis version.
5. The controls are extremely awful and are even worse than in the first Strider since that game level design was designed with them, so it's not a problem, but here it's making the game even worse than it already is. Here, the controls aren't suited for such small areas, much less for the large mazes this game has as levels, but the controls have worsened even when compared to the first game.
   • Hinjo's attacks are way slower than Hiryu's (only if you choose the original sword made for this game), and not only is it slow, but it's also very underpowered.
   • He also moves stiffly and jumps way too slowly, kind of like Fantasia on Sega Genesis.
   • The somersault jump has way too much momentum, and it is almost impossible to change your direction in mid-air, which is a problem considering how bad the level design is.
6. Most, if not all, of the characters are unlikable after you beat a level, as what they say is almost bullying, especially when they say that you will never win.
7. Speaking of the dialogues, this game has some of the worst dialogue ever (with the only exception being the You Fool! line). There are levels that are only here for padding the game length and trying to make a story, but the problem is that they're failing so much that it just feels like it's been done intentionally to make a bad story, and it's not.
8. Horrible ennemy placements that make Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels ' enemy placements look like a masterpiece; here they can sometimes be placed right into the pit, and you will have trouble getting past them. To make matters worse, the hit detection is very terrible with the new sword that was made for this game. Many of them also come from angles that Hinjo cannot cover with his sword slashes; this leads to unfair damage constantly and forces him to go really slow to even survive, which goes against Stider's main appeal.
9. There is no way to get any extra lives.
10. The fact that you can't get extra life makes the game difficulty a nightmare for those who want to beat the game. From the horribly terrible level design to the horrible enemy placements, there are a huge lot of terrible flaws in the difficulty; in fact, it's almost comparable to Hammerin Harry on Arcade (albeit a good game). The number of lives and continues isn't enough for such an unfair game like this; it's so bad that even Doraemon on the Famicom is not as hard.
    • The enemies are not only terribly badly placed, but they are also so annoying as they can kill you very easily and rush toward you, making everything worse than expected.
    • Even the awful controls make this game way too hard.
11. You can even die before you reach the exit after defeating the boss, making this game extremely broken.
12. Most of the story is in the manual, contradicting the purpose of the cutscenes, making them even more pointless.
13. Hilariously bad (albeit surprisingly audible) voice acting, like if that wasn't enough, they are accompanied by awful cutscenes with elements rehashed from previous games.
14. The boss fights are awful.
    • Solo is copy-pasted from the previous game.
    • You fight twice with Meio, and the first fight is filled with annoying lightning chains, and he is in a place where it is really hard to hit him, so you have to resort to attacking him by hitting homing energy balls.
    • The third fight is against a giant bee robot that's out of place and is extremely easy as long as you stay in a specific place while crouching.
    • The fourth is a ridiculous-looking dinosaur with pathetic range for all his attacks.
    • The final stage has another recycled boss from the first game alongside a boss rush, finishing with a second fight against Meio, which is almost the exact same fight as the one from the second stage, only more annoying as the energy balls are no longer present.
15. The game is very glitchy; for example, when Hinjo is hit by a purple lightning volt generator, he is frozen in place and then gets knocked back (which can lead to you being passed around like a ball between two electricity generators until you die). Hinjo can attack enemies through walls, and when you fight Solo, he lands on empty air to attack you. However, there are other worse glitches, like:
    • The game can freeze during both fights against Meio, destroying all your progress.
    • The game is not acknowledging the checkpoints and sending you further back than it should.
    • The game takes away your silver orb power-ups while you usually stay collected, even after losing a life.
16. Speaking of cutscenes, they make no sense. They show characters that don't appear and are even named, like Hinjo's girlfriend Lexia.
17. Just like the first game, this one is too short, lasting only 30 minutes, and it's only got 5 levels; even Marble Madness has more levels than this one, despite that game being much shorter.
18. It's reuses a lot of stuff like portraits and sprites from the original games; it even reuses portraits from characters that don't appear in the game, like Tong Pooh.
19. Absolutely terrible ending, as it's just a crappy cutscene that cuts to a black screen that says "The End".
20. It also reuses a lot of stuff, like portraits and sprites from the original games; it even reuses portraits of characters that don't appear in the game, like Tong Pooh.
21. The new additions are very stupid and terrible; for example, the rope to climb when Striders can wall jump, and in the computer versions, Hinjo turns into a robot with a gun (which was removed from the Genesis version), which stinks to play because he has terrible weapons and moves incredibly slowly.
    • The computer versions also give you a gun, which was replaced with shurikens in the Genesis and Master System/Game Gear versions, and in both versions these weapons are awful since they're way too weak and barely deal any damage, and once you have the upgrade to the slash attack, they become completely redundant.
    • The Strider Robots got replaced by a single lame-ass black ball that spins around Hinjo, which is way too slow; you cannot get more than 1 and goes away after a single hit.
    • The silver orbs, on the other hand, can be collected up to having 5, and if you have 3 or more bosses, it becomes a cake walk since the silver orbs can take hits for you, allowing Hinjo to tank the bosses attacks while he slashes them to death.
22. The level design is extremely horrible, the game throws you massive amounts of enemies that seem to spawn at random; the stage hazards are really annoying; they seem to be repeated over and over; and the levels themselves are giant mazes with no direction, so getting lost is pretty easy.
    • The levels are also filled with leaps of faith.
    • The game requires way too much precision for platforming, which is not helped by the awful controls; it's so bad that it's make the game barely playable.
    • In level 4, there are pools of acid that can kill you in 2 hits (2 because of hit invincibility).
23. There are a lot of dead ends, and this game still has a 3-minute timer per level.
24. The soundtrack is quite poor for most parts; even if some music is catchy, the music is much worse than the amazing soundtrack of the preceding
25. The sound quality is much worse than in the first game. and the sound effects are also really muffled and terrible.
26. The hit detection is absolutely terrible. Hinjo gets hit by enemies that didn't even really touch him; other times his attacks don't register; he also misses platforms that he should've grabbed or landed, which makes the player even more frustrated.
27. The expert difficulty mode only changes how many hits the enemies take; the rest is all the same, plus you don't get anything after finishing it.
28. The game is filled with framerate drops everywhere, literally when you do anything, which is ridiculous considering how awful the game looks. Needless to say, the original game didn't have this many framerate issues.
29. The game over is very creepy, especially the fact that it is too dark in terms of background that would make some of the Castlevania games game over screen being lauchable in comparison. The Europe version also has a line that wasn't in the NA version, which is: To the pits of hell with you, Strider!, which is not only scary but unlikable; in fact, it can scare a lot of young kids.
30. The sword from the first Strider is in this game, and it's too overpowered.
31. Awful box art for the Sega console versions

The Only Redeeming Quality

1. The voice samples are very clean for a Sega Genesis game, as they almost sound like they came from an arcade game, and that's the only good thing about the game due to how bad it is.

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